As you have read from my other posts, I have learned an incredible amount while I have been here. I have also been humbled by how blessed I am, even being so undeserving. I have had a chance to talk to a lot of the aunties about their life stories. I have not run into any that have been less than amazing.
One auntie that I have gotten to talk to for many hours told me about her childhood. She lived with her mom and dad during the apartheid, she was about 8 at that time. She was telling me about how she remembered always having dinner at 4:30pm so they could finish before it got dark outside. At night they would never turn on any lights because they were afraid someone might know a black family lived there and come busting in. She lived in so much fear that she hid in her wardrobe and slept in there many nights. Her father was a taxi driver for a living. He was a very good man and she looked up to him so much. Her favorite time was when they would sit talking before bedtime and he poured knowledge and wisdom into her. One night he was driving two men, who he later found out were thieves. They shot him, put his body on the street, and stole his car. Her mother passed away not long after “from a broken heart.” Her and her younger brother were left orphaned before she even reached 20. She was telling me that she still lives everyday in fear. How she treats her husband and her own kids is based on the deep root of her past.
This is only one of the many heart wrenching stories I have heard. It has made me realize that I take so much in my life for granted- the wonderful and supportive family, the financial stability, the amazing friends, the ability to go to school, and much more. These are all things that God has blessed me with that I need to be thanking Him for as I walk through every day. Listening to her story made me think of the fear that I lived in for so long, even though it is very different from the fear she experiences. The fear of being stuck in sin. For so long I wanted desperately to live my life solely for Christ but I kept in my habitual sin. It was my daily life that was full of things that were not pleasing to the Lord. I feared hell, I feared the consequences of friendships if I turned to Christ, I feared Satan's schemes, I feared the Lord could never love me because of all my dirt. As I mentioned in the previous post, I heard a sermon on Romans 6-7 in church last Sunday. In this passage, Paul is talking to the Romans about being stuck in sin. He says in chapter 7, verses 15 through 20:
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not to, but what I hate I do... It is no longer myself who do it, but it is sin living in me... For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing.”
This is the cry of all of those who have habits of sin; those who want to be living for Christ but cannot figure out how to dispose of the sin in their lives; those who have addictions; those who want to be purified but don’t know how to or where to even start. Those people exactly like me.
I think it is perfectly stated in Ezekiel 36:25-26 when the Lord declares, “I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” And when this happens you can “count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus... For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.” (Romans 5:12 & 14) It does not say that you turn your back to sin but rather you are dead to sin. This comes from the power of Christ. He cleanses you from all the sin that you are stuck in. He cleanses you and sprinkles living water on you- even in the driest parts of your being. He quenches any thirst that you have so that you may only turn to Him, not back to your sin. How amazing, right?! This is the freedom that I have found. The auntie’s story reminded me how the chains of fear (and sin) are so detrimental to your relationship with the Lord, but the chains make you appreciate the freedom you find in the grace of God.
It still leaves me in awe how the Lord speaks through other Christians (and even non-christians) and uses them to teach me so much and open my eyes to things I have been blind to. Our God is a sovereign God, He is a good God. Amen?!
Amen sister!
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